ISFP

Years ago, I picked up a book as I was browsing so that I could get up on a soapbox and say: this book puts people in boxes, and that is so wrong and I don't believe in that! But as I picked up the book, ready to disagree with it, and flipped through the pages, I found it interesting, and have come to believe it doesn't put people in boxes. However, I still believe temperament should never be used to excuse bad behavior or judge someone for being who they are. The book was a book about temperament. So, according to the Myers-Briggs personality theory I am an

I S F P

So this means briefly (my friends think I should conduct a seminar on this, but I think it would tire me out) I have an Introverted (I) preference as opposed to an Extroverted (E) preference. i.e. I more often draw energy/get fueled up by getting excited by my inner world of ideas, emotions, and impressions (often involves quiet activities such as reading, thinking, painting alone) and lose a lot of energy in the external world of people, activities, and things (Extraversion). I Sense. i.e. I pay more attention to information that comes through my five senses and trust what actually exists (concrete). Intuitives (N) prefer abstraction, will actually fuzzy it up if it is clear, and trust their sixth sense, etc. I am Feeling in that I make decisions in a personal, values-oriented way. (The other is Thinking, making decisions objectively, etc.). And I prefer a lifestyle that is flexible, spontaneous and go with the flow, Perception, rather than a lifestyle that is constantly planned and organized, Judgment (J). People who are healthy have a clear preference, but are balanced (they develop their other side) and respectful! I really don't want to go on and on, it gets me tired. But the nuances are important. A lot of people make mistakes and think that they or someone they know is extraverted because they talk a lot or intuitive because they think it's cool (or for example, I thought I was Thinking for awhile because I think and I know I'm supposed to make decisions in a logical way), etc. You can take this further, and see how society pressures you to be a certain temperament, a certain way. I think Americans pressure each other to be a lot of like ESTJ, for example, (often the negative traits) and look down on more sensitive types. But other countries value different qualities.

An author named ISFP's "The Gentle Artist". I like that a lot. I've also heard them called "The Gentle Free Spirit" and "The Composer".

Interesting is temperament relationship. The ISTP ("The Craftsman", "Crafter") for example is a natural companion relationship to mine. This is described as "similar modes of expression, bear each other's company well". And The ESFP ("The Performer", "Entertainer") is a natural pal to me (pal relationship). They are both are in the same temperament group as me. Although there are 16 possible combinations, there are 4 groups. All those who share the Sensing (S) and Perceiving (P) preferences (so that's ESFP, ESTP, ISFP, ISTP) are called the Experiencers.
They are sometimes called the "Artisans" or the "Action Seekers". Experiencers are people who like to enjoy the here and now, are drawn to and thrive on excitement, and like a spontaneous lifestyle. Freedom and action are very important. (like me! So that's me, a part of that group). All those who have Intuition as a preference (N) as well as T (Thinkers) are grouped together in a category called the "Rationals" (or "Knowledge Seekers". (Einstein, freud, c.s. lewis, j.r.r. tolkien, walt disney). NF's are Idealists and strive for an ideal world. Their ideas are abstract. (peace corps volunteers, princess diana) And SJ's (Sensing Judgers) are Traditionalists that like the standard ways of doing things and value the traditions, customs, and laws of society.

The enneagram is a lot more interesting to me. (not Myers-Briggs). It is a deeper temperament. It colors the temperament. You'll express your temperament type differently depending on your enneagram. I like it even more and find it even more interesting than Myers-Briggs.

But ANYWAYS, this is what I wanted to get to. I saw this description awhile ago of the ISFP and it freaked me out. Nothing in all my life has described me as well. Other descriptions did not fit as well as this. It's amazing! It's incredibly true.

What does Success mean to an ISFP?

ISFPs are creative, sensitive souls with a great capacity for love. They seek harmony, validation, and affection in their relationships with others. They value creativity and spirituality. Very sensitive and easily hurt by rejection and harshness, they are sometimes drawn to turn their love towards creatures who will love them back unconditionally, such as animals and small children. They believe heartily in unconditional love, and in an individual's right to be themself without being judged harshly for who they are. Of all of the types, the ISFP is most likely to believe that "Love is the answer." For the ISFP, personal success depends upon the condition of their closest relationships, their aesthetic environment and the development of their artistic creativity, their spiritual development, and how much they feel valued and accepted for their individual contributions.

Allowing Your ISFP Strengths to Flourish

As an ISFP, you have gifts that are specific to your personality type that aren't natural strengths for other types. By recognizing your special gifts and encouraging their growth and development, you will more readily see your place in the world, and how you can better use your talents to achieve your dreams.

Nearly all ISFPs will recognize the following characteristics in themselves. They should embrace and nourish these strengths:

• Highly creative, artistic and spiritual, they can produce wonderful works of art, music and literature. ISFPs are natural artists. They will find great satisfaction if they encourage and develop their artistic abilities. That doesn't mean that an ISFP has to be a famous writer or painter in order to be content. Simply the act of "creating" will be a fulfilling source of renewal and refreshment to the ISFP. An ISFP should allow himself or herself some artistic outlet, because it will add enrichment and positive energy to their life.
  
• They're more spiritually aware than most people, and are more in touch with their soul than others. Most ISFPs have strong Faith. Those that don't may feel as if they're missing something important. An ISFP should nourish their faith.
  
• ISFPs have an extremely well-developed ability to appreciate aesthetic qualities. They're usually very aware of their environment, and can easily see what works well and what doesn't from an aesthetic perspective. If they allow this strength to flourish, they're likely to be stylish dressers who live in a home that's aesthetically pleasing.
  
• ISFPs have passionate and intense feelings.
  
• ISFPs are very quick-witted and spatial in their thinking. If they have the desire, they can be very good at individual sports like golf, skiing, biking, etc., because they're extremely observant and have quick reactions.
  
• They're usually good listeners who genuinely want to hear about someone's problems, and genuinely want to help them. This makes them outstanding counselors, and good friends. An ISFP may find great satisfaction from volunteering as a counselor.
  
• They accept and value people as individuals, and are strongly egalitarian. They believe that an individual has the right to be themself, without having their attitudes and perspectives brought under scrutiny. Accordingly, they have a great deal of tolerance and acceptance dealing with people who might encounter negative judgment from society in general. They can see something positive in everyone. They believe in individuals. If they give themselves the opportunity, an ISFP can become a much-needed source of self-esteem and confidence for people who cannot find it on their own. In this way, they can nurture a "sick soul" back to health.
  
• Practical and detail-oriented, ISFPs are great at handling the details of a project.
  
• ISFPs live for the current day, and have an ability to enjoy the present moment without stressing out about the future or the past.
  
• They have a good ability to concentrate and focus. Accordingly, they can do well in school if they set their mind to it.
  

ISFPs who have developed their Extraverted Sensing to the extent that they can perceive the world about them objectively and quickly will find that they enjoy these very special gifts:

• Their strongly passionate nature combined with their natural sense of aesthetic beauty may make them gifted artists (such as Picasso, or Barbra Streisand, both reportedly ISFPs).
  
• Their awareness of what's going on around them combined with their great capacity to love will make them outstanding parents and caregivers.
  
• They will quickly identify the opportunities of a situation, and quickly act to take advantage of them. They will find that they're able to do anything that they put their mind to, although they may not find it personally satisfying. Things may seem to come easily to these ISFPs. Although they're able to conquer many different kinds of tasks and situations, these ISFPs will be happiest doing something that seems truly important to them. Although they may find that they can achieve the "mainstream" type of success with relative ease, they are not likely to find happiness along that path, unless they have especially rich and rewarding personal relationships.
  
• The ISFP who augments their strong, internal value system (Introverted Feeling) with a well-developed ability to recognize opportunities (Extraverted Sensing) can be a powerful force for social change.
  

Another famous example of an ISFP (The Gentle Artist) is Bob Dylan. He also (reportedly) has my exact enneagram number with the same wing. So, in both ways, he's the male version of me! I can totally see that!

Once you've got through all this boring stuff (although helpful in knowing yourself and useful in relating to others) then you can move on to the fun stuff. I can't resist putting up this section on temperaments and cats. Once you become a natural "professor" of temperament this kind of thing is hilarious. It's hilarious anyway.

Cat Types

ESFP "The Hedonist": The social cat. Inside, outside, contact-oriented. Wallows in petting. Lies in the sun on the driveway. Promiscuously affectionate, even with cat-haters. Meows a lot.

ESTP "The Tomcat": Comes back after three days with scabs on his nose and ears. Fathered too many kittens to count. Will enjoy you while he's there, but not loyal. With other cats, doesn't know when to stop "playing".

ISFP "The Snuggler": Inside lap kitty. Has a favorite lap, a favorite windowsill, but spreads her favors around nonetheless. Warm and loving, but don't try to make her do anything. Purrs a lot.

ISTP "The Problem-Solver": This is the cat that will figure out how to get the giblets out of the bottom of the garbage can without knocking anything over. Appreciates his pleasures but not a glutton. Stand-offish, but will put up with an occasional petting session.

ESTJ "Bossycat": A cat with attitude. He'll hiss at a German shepherd, and the dog will back down. Knows his territory. Catches lots of birds to show he cares, since he won't be openly affectionate.

ESFJ "Mommycat": Even if kittenless or male, adopts everyone, including her "owners". Will groom you until you've got a rash; will groom other cats until they snap at her and run away.

ISTJ "Mr. Fastidious": Won't eat unless the kitchen floor is newly waxed. Will glare at you until you clean his litterbox. Likes to scratch--and it's the same place over and over, so you'd better get a scratching post right away if you want to keep your furniture.

ISFJ "Spoiled Cat": Only the best will do. This is the cat in the "Sheba" ads. Will sink into a depression if you forget to trim her claws, or if her coat is marked. Strategic meowing -- not for conversation, but to get what she wants.

ENTP "The Great White Hunter": King of imaginary bug-chasing. He talks a lot--maybe to you, maybe to something only he can see. Likes to be petted, but only for short periods of time; he's off as soon as the next synapse fires in his brain.

ENTJ "The Little General": Assumes control of the family and house. He'll kick you out of his chair and demand half the bed. Doesn't purr, but glares while being petted as if you're only doing your duty. Yowls rather than meows.

INTP "The Flake": Will play with toys, but bored quickly. If you give in, you'll quickly have a closet full of cat toys he won't touch any more. He'll sit, apparently doing nothing, and then be off on a tear. When walking across a room, will suddenly sit down and start grooming himself.

INTJ "The Limit-Setter": If you have to be around, fine, but he'd prefer that you just showed up once a week to drop off a case of canned food. If you stay home sick, he'll glare at you, since after all it's his scheduled day to have the house to himself.

ENFP "The Happy Slob": Playful cat that will leave food smeared all over the kitchen floor and track litter granules onto the carpet. Favorite game is peek-a-boo. Likes to be petted, but won't sit still for long.

ENFJ "The Ringleader": Will organize the other cats into games. When you get home to find the dining room chandelier swinging back and forth, and all the cats are sitting in the living room looking innocent, it was this cat's idea.

INFP: "The Little Angel": Will look at you sweetly two seconds after she's shredded the new curtains. Can't resist the kitchen counter. Likes some lap time, but only on her terms.

INFJ "Skitty Kitty": Wants to be affectionate, but never quite overcomes nervousness. "Intrepid" is NOT her middle name. Likes to watch the proceedings from a safe spot, such as the top of the staircase.

Thanks to Annette Ellis

ALL RIGHT, one more. This is thanks to Hal at http://soli.inav.net/~catalyst/Type/type.htm.

Prayers for MBTI Types

ISTJ: Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41.23 a.m. EST.

ISTP: God, help me to consider people's feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

ESTP: God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they're usually NOT my fault.

ESTJ: God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask.

ISFJ: Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don't mind my asking).

ESFP: God, help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing.

ESFJ: God, give me patience, and I mean right NOW.

INFJ: Lord, help me not be a perfectionist. (Did I spell that correctly?)

INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta

ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th - Look a bird - ing at a time.

ENFJ: God, help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing?

INTJ: Lord, keep me open to others' ideas, WRONG though they may be.

INTP: Lord, help me be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ENTP: Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I'll settle for a few minutes.

ENTJ: Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

Amen.

Love

One of my favorite quotes is from a movie written and directed by Woody Allen called "Vicky Cristina Barcelona":

Vicky: So, uh, tell me, why..why won't your father publish his poems?

Juan Antonio: Well, because..ugh..he hates the world and that's his way of getting back at them; to create beautiful works and then to deny them to the public. Which I think is—

Vicky: God. .

Juan Antonio: mmmm…

Vicky: Well, what makes him so angry toward the human race?

Juan Antonio: Because after thousands of years of civilization, they still haven't learned to love.

I can totally identify with the father/poet figure in the movie, who I think is also a self-portrait of Woody Allen. It's so easy to see and feel that the problem with the world is that people do not know how to love. (insight one). It's tempting to feel rage at their lack of understanding insight one (for me, because it makes them unhappy and I hate to see people unhappy). Ironically, "getting back at them" (revenge) isn't loving! So, he's missing out on the second insight, of knowing what love actually is. Woody Allen talks a lot in his movies about how when people are happy in love, they just got "lucky". He has no idea how they got happy; they're lucky, he figures. I think that's true, some people are lucky in love. But I think that there's a bigger answer here, because I have the belief that there is a definition of love. Which means it can be taught and applied. This gives the world a lot of hope.

I think that few people have figured it out. It takes a lot of work to think about things, so most people don't bother, which is what makes me so often sad, because even a little effort could put you on the right path. However, I do think that a few unusual children, adolescents, and adults have figured out what it is. Now applying it perfectly is a whole other thing! (which isn't going to happen in this lifetime). (insight three, not really an insight more of an action involving wisdom). I think, in the end, a person has to be taught about love directly by God. A person who does not know God may figure out what love is (and learn to love) but doesn't know where it comes from or who to thank and so they mimic something that may eventually fall apart because they'll have so little to sustain them.

I believe that love is giving to someone else without asking for anything in return (although being very grateful if love is returned) in such a way as to help the other person grow (growth is experiencing God's perfect love and other's love more and more which brings the person real happiness). In loving others, we become who for a long time lost as people we were meant to be.

Tim Keller (pastor of Redeemer Church in NYC) kept talking about this movie: "Three Seasons". (Winner of the Grand Jury Prize at the 1999 Sundance Film Festival – a very cool, super-artsy film festival in Utah started by Robert Redford). He hadn't seen it himself, but he heard about one of the stories of the three tangentially intertwined tales in the movie and was so moved by it, he kept using it as a sermon illustration to describe what love is. He got my curiosity so piqued, I found it on Amazon and the part he liked was my favorite part, too. It takes place in Vietnam and this cyclist (a gentleman who earns his money taking tourists around on a cyclo) falls in love with a high-end prostitute. He waits outside the expensive hotel for her everyday so he can cycle her home. On their journeys, she tells him of her plans to raise enough money to be free of the life she's in. She says she dreams that when she has earned enough money to buy her freedom, then she could just stay in the same expensive hotel all night with no pressure and enjoy the air-conditioning and sleep all night into the next morning. One time, he asks her how much she charges for a night and then eventually enters a cycling contest so he can raise enough money (but only if he wins). He does win, and he goes back to her, and even though she's a little surprised, he acquires her services for the night, and spends all his money on her. And when they go to the room, he has her put on a comfortable gown (he bought for her) and then asks her to rest peacefully for the night and go to sleep. She's kind've shocked, knowing his attraction to her, but tired and overwhelmed. She goes to sleep. And so what he purchased for her was part of her heart's dream. He watches her sleep and it brings him a sense of joy that he could give her something that would make her truly happy. Later, the next day, he stops by to see her at her house and she can't even see him. She couldn't believe that he did that for her, and now that she has had time to reflect, it really overwhelms her and makes her feel uncomfortable. She believes she is so unworthy of such open-hearted unselfishness, that puts her desires above his. But by the end of the scene, he soothes her.

Later in the day, he takes her to an avenue with trees that have large red blossoms falling just to give her the pleasure of enjoying the beauty and warmth. Ha! I wrote a poem after I saw the movie (it basically just describes the moment):

I'm no longer in the shadows,

I've come into the light,

The sun is glowing through my red gold hair

Bright red petals are falling

My dress is as white as a lotus flower

He's smiling as he's standing there—

Handing me a book to read

The sun is brighter than I thought,

And warms my head

I am welcomed and accepted

By my desired friends,

Even a song is in my heart,

Rolling like some gentle hills,

I've let go,

I've come out,

And found what I've looked for,

Love is so much better than I thought,

It accepts me as I am, And it's all I can do to soak it in…

Letting the petals fall all around me.

(I'm writing it as if she's me and gave her my color hair too!:)). So this gives us a sense of the unusualness of real love. It's unconditional, it loves the unlovable. I forgot, I loved how he asked her to wash off her makeup when he gave her the gown to wear in the hotel, it refreshed her, but he wanted to let her know he accepted her exactly as she was, and she didn't wear makeup again after that. (I think a symbol because she felt accepted).

But I think this is only the beginning of love. But it's a relationship. Note, that he doesn't ask for anything in return, except the pleasure of seeing her happy and protected. Although he would be happy if love was returned. Imagine, if we all loved each other like this all the time. Always giving like that in every circumstance. Note, also, that to truly love someone is to be interested in their growth as a person (love's purpose). It's enlightening.

The lady was transformed by such love, and leaves her life of prostitution (she even puts on a white dress):

As you can see, love can be applied towards everyone. It was meant to be a dance; God loving us, us loving him, and loving each other.

Never forget, the greatest picture of love is Christ himself, he came from God, he is God, and God is love. Letting who he is sink in until we feel his love and learn to love is the best way possible to truly feel loved (knowing now what it is) and to learn to love (watch his pattern).

So, what about special relationships? You can love anyone. So how do you pick those? I've often had that question in my mind when I've been at "bible studies" and I often hear people say: "Healthy Relationships should be based on God!". I just want to roll my eyes. That is so inane. "God!", they pipe like little children. LOL. Anyways, this childish idea of basing your relationships "on God" doesn't make any sense. You can't build on God. I think the simple answer is wisdom.

(Hmmm… I think what's bothered me for all these years is that I feel so outnumbered in my opinions. (esp growing up). I think that it would be a good idea to doubt myself when no one sees your point of view. But God's people are often the minority. It can feel tempting to doubt yourself or despair at life, but thanks be to God who is in control! (The prophet Elijah was not alone and neither am I. I Kings 19:14: "I am the only one left, and now they are trying to kill me too". I Kings 19:18 God replies: Yet I reserve seven thousand in Israel—all whose knees have not bowed down to Baal…).

Anyways :). That was a deep wound.

The simple answer is wisdom. This involves many things. It should come from a place of love. I've come to believe that the Bible is the source of all wisdom. It resonates with me that it is God's word and therefore the authority for my life. Applying it (in its many facets), imperfectly, as we do, is the pattern for guidance in a human's life. For a person who doesn't believe that the Bible is God's word, common sense, would be the best determiner. But I'm a huge believer in common sense, and I think so is God, he transcends it, but he also encompasses it. For me, the thing in life that helps me know if something is real is experiencing it. We experience God, and it's up to him to do the rest. So, you have to know yourself, you have to know what you want and what you don't want, you should (possibly) understand your temperament and enneagram (I think it's helpful, but you need to understand it deeply and well, many people fall into the trap of grasping a little of those concepts and then use them to abuse others, so those studies should come with a warning label, although I think everyone should learn it, but always be humble with it). (I'd love to conduct seminars introducing people to the subject, although I think it would wear me out). You should understand yourself well enough to know which types of people are easy for you to live with (both in personality and character).

The biblical concept of marriage is "two lives blending into one". That definition should guide the process. Two people should be united. But what are two lives made up of? A life is made up of interests, activities, and goals. God created us with interests and passions that it is not a sin to follow, in fact that's the best way to serve him. The interests then decide what kinds of activities we want to pursue and may give us visions for our goals. Clearly, for a Christian, this is all informed by a Christian's relationship with God. But it is their God-given interests that create the activities that fulfill the goals. This is the most healthy and productive way to live. These things are done in a way that is true to ourselves and is informed by the ways of love.

Paul Meier, Frank Minirth, et al. describe in their textbook: Introduction to Psychology and Counseling: Christian Perspectives and Applications, a 5-level classification system for marriages. (p. 334) "A conflict-habituated marriage is held together largely by fear of loneliness, but may also be held together by conflict. A devitalized marriage is often held together by the children; although free of a lot of overt conflict, it is devoid of zest. A passive-congenial marriage is a 'pleasant marriage' with some sharing of interests but without much intimacy; most of the interests of each individual center outside of the marriage. In the vital type of relationship at least one major goal is pursued in common. Finally, in a total marriage, most of the interests, activities, and goals are pursued in common".

People who have most of their interests, activities, and goals in common are happy. The others are not so much. This makes me very sad. It is not only wise and right to build from a mutual love for God, a mutual perspective, a mutual point of view, a mutual interest (and it is important for this interest to truly be shared mutually to be enjoyed in a similar way), a mutual way of life, a mutual lifestyle preference, but it is also the point of greatest pleasure. What brings you the greatest joy is doubled in enjoying that same thing with someone else who enjoys it for the same reason in the same way and the same thing as you. It doubles your pleasure. (And it's not gum). You enjoy it alone, great. You enjoy it with someone else who understands, double great. This is friendship and the sweetness of life. Note, how what is wise and good (unity, mutuality in a marriage) also brings the greatest happiness. Wisdom and happiness are not in conflict with each other.

This doesn't mean you can't enjoy your differences. But these are the difficulties. If you are drawn to someone because of their differences and try to build from there, it will smack you in the face. You are either trying to depend on them too much, or live through them. Neither of these can be done for very long to very much effect. My friend, who teaches my art therapy class said that "similarities are the sweetness in a relationship, it's what glues you together, differences aren't the important part". This understanding comes from the wisdom of experience. I have yet to talk to someone who has lived long, who doesn't believe that similarities are the basis of a healthy relationship. Many people go into relationships without knowing that. I think you can call it the honey, it sweetens your togetherness and sticks you together.

I came up with my own theory about differences, because they do enhance you. I think they should be in one of these categories in a healthy friendship: (1) tolerable (can live with). You should think this through and not find it too significant. Remember to be loving. (2) complimentary (example: He likes to build furniture, a craftsman. She likes to pick the color of the paint, and arrange the furniture, an artist. Together, their project is united. (3) healing (example: Her warmth is something he didn't experience much in all his years of living and he could really live with for all the rest of his years. He may find it heals him. She appreciates his logic or support that she never experienced very much. He's her rock).

These differences should make up the bulk of the differences in the relationship.
Some personalities are more suitable than others. Some relationships are happier. Most of my close relationships (nay, all) are made up mostly of similarities, and the few differences are tolerable, complimentary, or healing.

Intolerable or annoying differences come from experiencing someone's bad character, unless you're being hard to please. But don't mix up hard to please with never having enjoyed a relationship with someone with whom you are truly compatible.

Anyways… thoughts to chew on. More to follow in the future, no doubt. :)

So, anyways, I'm saying Respect, Friendship (common viewpoint), and Romantic love will work as a starting formula.

A Word About the “‘Biblical’ Counseling Movement”

When I wrote last, I mentioned some books ("Resources for Changing Lives" series) that I was reading and I thought at the time might have a lot of profit in them, but I was planning to "move on" after perusing them to other books. I think that when I'm thinking that, it's probably because I'm hesitant to commit to their theories and they're not quite answering the questions I have, and I will probably end up rejecting them (didn't take too long). And now, after I moved on, I think that I am in a place where a lot of life's questions are figured out for me. Maybe when you avoid a trap, you get rewarded!

But these people are very hurtful, so I write hoping to make some sense of it.

(1) As I heard about this theory, the first thing that bothered me was that I kept hearing the word "sin" a lot. I mean a lot. The books and people associated with the Biblical Counseling Movement use that word more than I've heard put together in all my life. That gave me a bad feeling. They seemed afraid of not taking responsibility but they all seemed very negative. They see all of a human being's problems as being rooted in sin. And then they condemn you for it! It might be technically true that all problems are rooted in sin, (but not always yours!) they see the person as totally responsible for everything bad they are experiencing and especially emphasize the "laws and rules" this person is assumedly breaking. They prepare the counselor to ready themselves when this poor guy or girl comes in to talk with them to "find" the way the person is doing something wrong, so they can "fix" it. It comes across like a 3-point sermon: (1) You're bad (2) God is good (3) Stop it.

(2) So the second thing they are doing is blaming the person for all of their problems. They think this might aid the person who is under-responsible, except that it only motivates them to stop (by sheer will power) being a "bad" person, which doesn't work!! and leaves them labeled a guilty condemned person, it adds more to the over-responsible person and weighs them down further so they are even more stuck, and doesn't clear the person who is innocent. This is exactly why these people are known for sending a girl home to "repent" of being raped. It fits into their idea that problems are rooted in the individual's sins, and they get confused enough to act with such a lack of compassion! Shouldn't they question their methods??!!! They see themselves as distinct from "secular counseling" in that they don't discuss family upbringing because they want the individual to be solely responsible. But throwing out mounds of legitimate research and understanding goes against what people have observed and also religion. In fact, God asks all people to "honor" their parents. However, most people have a faulty understanding of that. But from what I comprehend, it simply means to "give
full weight" to all parental influence in your life for good or bad whatever percentage that may be and accept it at as it is. The benefits are spectacular allowing the person to truly leave the past behind, become your own person, and be healthy. Many people are afraid of discovering something bad because they are afraid they will be perceived as disloyal or simply because they don't want to face something bad and feel sadness. But mature people embrace reality. But the Biblical Counseling Movement doesn't acknowledge that children can be severely injured in their dependency and vulnerability and have genuine confusions that stem from things they didn't understand or were never informed or weren't allowed to do or know. This is also an original innocence. They see everything as this person's fault and don't know what to do with being "sinned against". This is why people in this movement can't hear the cries of abused people and lack empathy for them. David Powlison (leader of this movement) in his book Seeing with New Eyes includes a chapter entitled "Why me? Comfort from Psalm 10". He intended it to bring comfort to victims of domestic violence. As the chapter title implies, he encourages them to know that God is with them in their assumed "pity party".

(3) They believe very "simply" that the solution to sin (which they think is everything that person is doing) is to repent. This is the trite answer to all the problems someone might have. It's also very discouraging and burdensome. It's a lot like "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps". They're not interested in why someone has problems (since they think that the answer is in the person's sin). They don't care if the person was deceived or lied to while vulnerable, or is protecting hope and desire, or if the person is missing out on information that they never heard, they just simply want to condemn the person for not being perfect. And they think stopping the behavior will solve everything. They don't care why the person is doing what they are doing (this sin).

(4) Astounding, but they deny needs. In fact, it's the Biblical Counseling Movement's "claim to fame" to deny Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs or anyone else who believes that people are endowed with needs other than biological. It prevents them from feeling guilty for needing, and it helps them feel less "selfish" by focusing on others and not getting demanding. But they see demands as selfish rather than desperate pleas for love. They don't love people.

(5) This is the thing that bothers me the most, but they literally scoff at ideas of self-esteem. They really emphasize how people are all sinners. This is hard for me to share, but chatting briefly with someone who was clearly from this group, I was reluctant to share anything, but finally shared how I had just realized how I should treat myself like how I treat the little children I relate to sometimes so lovingly and gently. She replied: "You're trash". I paused, thinking, that she would eventually follow that up with something about how she was only joking. She did say something about how God loved me anyways. But I clearly remembered thinking how she must view this about herself. It was an awful attack to endure anyway. It makes me very reluctant to share in "bible studies" or anywhere else. But this is really true in all the books and people I've met within this movement. They see themselves as refuse but that God loves them in spite of it. They take pride in a very lowly view of themselves. I realized what it was (very ugly): they take pride in their self-hatred. And they want others to hate themselves too. I don't think God wants us to be prideful in our self-hatred, he wants us to take joy in our standing with him. Self understanding affects every part of a person's life, making them healthy and growing, so they won't be able to help people get better with this point of view.

(6) The people in the movement and the philosophy are extremely authoritarian. Example: They really look up to Jay Adams, who they see as the "father" of this movement. He writes in his book How to Help People Change ( and I quote from chapter 5, page 47), "the Counselor is the representative of God (he italicized). "He ministers as one who represents God, as one who speaks for Him, as one who knows the mind of the Spirit and who will minister out of the Book in which that mind is found. … The man of (from) God is to be heard inasmuch as he bears authority from God." Next paragraph: "Counselors may be wrong, but they are to be heard, and they are to be obeyed when they make their case from Scripture rightly interpreted and applied (see Heb. 13:7)". He notes that the counselor should not be authoritarian: page 48, "Counselors must not confuse biblically directed how-to with biblically derived how-to. To treat the latter with the same authority as the former is to become an authoritarian rather than a biblical authority. In the long run, it will minimize the counselor's true authority as well". I hear these assertions from the Biblical Counseling Movement a lot. "We want to focus on the heart, not outward behavior", "We should avoid authoritarianism", but you wouldn't have to say it, if it wasn't so. This is authoritarianism because they want you to be dependent on them, on their interpretations, on their perceptions, and give it "biblical" authority and "representation of God" and moral superiority implied with your lowly "obedience".

In summary, not everything is a sin. Focusing on condemnation rather than acceptance will get you nowhere, you will never grow. Blaming yourself for other people's bad behavior will make you stuck. Not asking why won't solve the problem at its root and keep it from coming back. (There are other reasons than just that person's sins). Not recognizing your God given needs (more than biological) will make you burn-out, or miss out, or become bitter, etc. Not knowing who you are under God and feeling good about that will affect every area of your life for the worse. Not thinking for yourself (instead of "obeying" them) won't solve the problem in the long-term.

Not only is this theory so very cruel, it doesn't work.